MAMA LU

藝術家的書

“What exactly, is a mother?”

「母親究竟是什麼?」

“How can women rediscover themselves?”

「女性可以如何被自己重新觀看?」

MAMA LU 藝術家的書

“MAMA LU”, the title of the book is a more formal name to the mother of the Lu family. This character is me, but also my mother, every mother Lu that has yet to come, and every person who receives her title of “mother + family name”.

Although on the surface, society encourages women when they are pregnant, it still silences them under the authority of an invisible structure. Even after feminist movements and protests, there remains in the shadows, repressed and latent, the anguish, whether about the unspoken rules of household chores repartition, or in past generations, about how women were held back, without means of self-realization: all the regrets it left. In my name and theirs, I would like to say some things, to let this book serve as a one-time manifesto, that it can meet and be met by all the Mama Lu, reach out to all the people whose wish it is to meet Mama Lu.

MAMA LU，是盧媽媽比較正式的名字，這個角色是我自己，同樣也是我媽媽，也是過去、現在或是未來，如同這個代稱，被冠上「姓氏加上媽媽」的所有人，雖然不是盧媽媽，卻可能是某某人的媽媽，或是被稱呼為不屬於自己姓氏的媽媽。因此，使用自己的姓氏LU，而非使用配偶或小孩的姓氏和名字，是另一種全然不同的姿態，盧媽媽身為一位母親，一位不再完全以小孩為主體的母親，同時也不再完全屬於她自己，在互不全然從屬的關係下，她有自己特殊的名字。一般而言，女性在懷孕時是被社會正面鼓勵的，然而在無形的權力架構下卻是被噤聲的，即便歷經多起婦女運動，依然有些潛在的焦慮在暗處蟄伏，不管是家庭分工的潛規則，或是在過去的年代中所留下的遺憾，對於那些已經發生或正遭遇的種種，我想要替她們，同時也替自己說些什麼，我想說話，但用「筆」的語言述說，接觸到更多的媽媽，與未來想成為媽媽的人。

MAMA LU-Alchemy

MAMA LU 煉金術篇

“MAMA LU – Alchemy” is a collection of writings about changes in the body during pregnancy, and the subconscious experiences throughout. With each chapter written to extend a part of the pregnant body, my writing doesn’t have a clear beginning or end, nor does it have an absolute, single purpose. Sometimes, it is a mere few words to describe the sensations of the body, at other times, it recounts the childhood fear I felt, witnessing a mother dog giving birth; then it becomes the imaginings of life beneath the flesh, nestled within. The texts and images in the artwork include reflections on transitioning from the figure of a girl to the figure of a mother and thoughts on a transforming body. Expressed through the medium of the artist’s book, the artist’s book is no longer seen as just a vessel to contain knowledge, nor a carrier to express the truth; it becomes a book with pages to leaf through, a book with temporality, parallel to the body.

I chose a traditional style of Chinese bookbinding, for the book then seems to be extending the pregnant body, and on the paper symbolizing this extending body, I printed writings from this period of pregnancy. There are two layers to the artwork, the first concerns the writings accumulated from the physical experiences, revealing the invisible changes in the body and psychological perceptions; the second layer addresses issues of gender politics in Chinese Art History, with this book as a mean to extend space for women in this Chinese history of art.

« MAMA LU- Alchemy” is more than just an artist’s book, it is also a single occurrence / it is also a one-time expression, using the book as a medium for reflection, it compiles calligraphy, mythological stories, and themes such as tarot cards. My early pregnancy at university pushed me to transition from a young woman to a mother figure. Through the experiences of gestation, childbirth, and breastfeeding, I felt my own body nurturing life, from my body cradling another heartbeat to having my body constantly be stretched, pulled to the point of feeling like it would tear, “I” was no longer just my psychological self, “I” became at the same time this body, changing day by day — with its heavy footsteps, darkening nipples, belly catching everyone’s eyesight, a body which became something that couldn’t be ignored. On a different note, it was also simultaneously being a young artist and a young mother, roles that continuously clashed against one another —one dedicated to self-realization, the other to selfless dedication— that going back and forth between the roles, navigating the many uncertainties, doubts, contradictions, and anxieties, I began asking myself: “Is my body what “I” am? / Am I my body ?”, “What exactly, is a mother ?”, “ How can women see themselves again, through their own eyes?”

When writing about the changes of the body, the ink-dipped brush follows my body as it breathes, and responds to the way I hold it, leaving spontaneous words and images on the paper. Writing, as if it was a way for me to extend the spatial dimension of my body, a space scattered with damp characters and breathing columns, the gradual accumulation of texts born out of the constraints of the pregnant body, transforming ten months of pregnancy, into a visible passage of time.

“After becoming a mother, am I still me ?” Pregnancy is like alchemy; with each “day” leaning towards the result of an alchemy, each entirely mysterious, mundane, yet changing everyday. This ancient book format is often used for copying scriptures or depicting mythological stories, “Pregnancy of Ancient books”, allows the implicit metaphor of old books being pregnant, to express the uniqueness of pregnancy as a theme in ancient books.

« MAMA LU – Alchemy » is named in terms of “days”. During pregnancy, experiencing the world as two bodies combined into one made time seem to stretch longer, with belly and fetus expanding similarly. In the past, when specific goals were present, the body was often neglected as an object, it was commonly believed that only the head was the subject of the “self”. But pregnancy blurred these boundaries, the mind and the body hardly experience each passing day in any way other than synchronously, and regardless of pains or joys, to me, each day always feels entirely fresh, and different. I gave each day a name, such as “Sore Day”, “Frankincense Day”, “Placenta Brain Day”, “Alienation and Dreamscape”, … spontaneously penning the names, to record these mundane yet special days, as if, by giving each a name, it could endow each day with the power of observation.

《MAMA LU-煉金術篇》書寫了懷孕期間的身體變化和潛意識經驗，每一章的書寫皆延伸了一部分懷孕的身體，我的書寫沒有明確的起點和終點，更無絕對、單一的目的，有時只有一段描述身體所感的話語，有時是描述童年時對於母狗分娩畫面的懼怕，有時是對於生命在肉體內的想像，作品中的字句和圖像包含對於少女至母親的角色、身體變化的思考，藉由藝術家的書傳達出來，藝術家的書不再是將書籍視為裝載知識的容器或是傳達真理的載體，它也是一件可以被翻閱、有時間性的書籍，且與身體並行。

我選擇了經折裝中式古籍的形式，書籍就像是延伸了懷孕的身體，在具有延長身體意味的紙張，印製上懷孕期間的書寫內容，作品有兩個層次，一為身體經驗累積而成的書寫，揭示不被看見的身體變化與心裡感知，第二個層次為中國藝術史中性別政治的問題，透過這本書延伸中國藝術史裡女性的空間。《MAMA LU-煉金術篇》不只是藝術家的書，同時也是一次的發聲，以書籍作為思考途徑，彙整毛筆書寫、神話故事、塔羅牌等主題。大學時的早孕，促使我從一個少女過度到母親的角色，從懷胎、生產、哺乳的經驗中，體驗到自己的身體正在孕育生命，從包覆了另一顆心臟的跳動，到身體不斷被延展、拉扯甚至是撕裂的感受，「我」似乎不只是精神上的我，同時也是日復一日逐漸變化的身體，沉了的腳步、變深的乳頭、大家開始將目光移至的肚皮，身體成了不得不注意的事。另一方面，也在自己既是年輕藝術家亦是年輕媽媽的兩個角色間不斷碰撞，一方專注於實現自我，另一方則須無私奉獻，於兩者中穿梭產生許多的不確定、徬徨、矛盾和焦慮等心情，於是我開始向自己提問：「我，是我的身體嗎？」、「母親究竟是什麼？」、「女性可以如何重新觀看自己？」

當書寫下身體的變化，沾上墨的毛筆也隨著身體的呼吸和握筆的方式，在紙上留下了隨筆的文字與圖像，書寫彷彿為我延長了身體的空間，在這個空間中，散落著濕潤的字跡和保有呼吸的行距，將懷孕的那十個月，因為孕婦身體的限制而造就的書寫，逐漸累積成可以被看見的時間。

「成為母親之後，我還是我嗎？」懷孕就像是煉金術，每一個「日」都是朝向煉金術的成果，它們很神秘，很日常，卻每一天都在改變。古籍的形式通常用來抄寫經文或是描寫神話故事之用，「古籍懷孕」有讓古籍懷孕之意涵，表達「懷孕」的主題之於古籍的特殊性。《MAMA LU-煉金術篇》以「日」為單位命名。懷孕時透過二合一的身體經驗世界，彷彿時間變得更長了，肚皮和胎兒也在延長著，過去當身邊有特定目標時，身體總是被當作客體遺忘，一般認為頭才是「我」的主體，而懷孕卻將這之間的界線變得很模糊，精神與身體幾乎是在同步經驗每一日，不管是疼痛或是喜悅，每一日對我都是這麼的新鮮，如此不同。我將每一天命名，例如「痠痛日」、「乳香日」、「胎盤腦日」、「異化與夢境」…等毛筆隨筆，將這些日常卻又特別的日子記下，似乎為它們賦予了名字，也讓每一日得到了觀看的力量。

Dialogue Movement – 14th Exhibition of Young Artist, SOKA Art, Tainan, Taiwan.

《對話運動》索卡好樣青年藝術家聯展，索卡藝術中心，臺南市,臺灣

MAMA LU-Alchemy MAMA LU- 煉金術篇 , 2021 – 26cm x 420cm

ink painting, silkscreen printing, mulberry paper, wooden box

褚皮紙、墨、絹印、胡桃木盒

MAMA LU-Tarot

MAMA LU 塔羅篇

« Mama Lu – Tarot » is a series of eleven tarot images, adapted to correspond with the eleven days recorded in the chapter on Alchemy. I looked through the Tarot for images related to alchemy, seeking to reflect the themes developed for each day of the previous chapter. For example, from the “World” card, I chose to correspond its “Goddess of the World” with the first piece of « Mama Lu- Alchemy », the one on the image of the Madonna. The archetype of the “Goddess of the World” is the female soul present in every mother. With a circle surrounding her as a symbol of the womb, she is the beginning of all life. She carries and presents herself as a dancer. Unlike the medieval Madonna, her chest is bare, and she symbolizes a fundamental act of creation. For she differs from the figure of the Madonna, “The Goddess of the World” serves as an alternative model for me to reinterpret the image of motherhood.

Through the ancient concepts conveyed in the cards, this Tarot chapter seeks to respond to the themes developed in the Alchemy chapter, such as the changes happening to a pregnant body. The Tarot cards are closely related to life, with their figures predominantly featuring goddesses, and Tarot serving as a medium to predict destiny. In this volume, I started with colored pencils drawings, drawings blending Chinese and Western cultures, then printed and bound them into an album. Adapting the images was also a way for me to transform the language of Tarot into my own, with for example, the “World” card combined with the totems of Fuxi and Nüwa, as well as the Earth Goddess; or the “Empress”, based on the image of Medusa’s severed head, adorned with a halo symbolizing her crown.

《MAMA LU-塔羅篇》改編十一個塔羅圖像來回應煉金術篇收錄的十一個日子，我在塔羅牌中搜索與煉金術篇相關的塔羅圖像，回應煉金術篇當日書寫的內容主題，例如我選擇世界牌中的「世界女神」對應煉金術篇第一篇的聖母圖像，「世界女神」其原型為所有母親具有的女性靈魂，圍繞她的圈如子宮的意象，她作為一切生命的開端，以舞蹈的姿態呈現，不同於中世紀的聖母，她是裸著上身的，也象徵一個基本的創造之意，「世界女神」不同於聖母形象，她作為我重新理解母親的形象的另一個參照。塔羅篇試著以塔羅牌中概念所帶出的古老概念，回應煉金術篇所提到懷孕身體的變化等等，塔羅牌與生命息息相關，內容的角色皆以女神為主，塔羅作為預測命運的媒介。我在這本書籍中先以色鉛筆描繪融合中西方文化下的的圖像再行印製，並製作成書籍，改編的圖像亦是我如何轉換塔羅的語彙成為自己的語彙，例如「世界牌」結合伏羲女媧的圖騰與大地女神，「女皇」則是將梅杜莎(Medusa)被砍下的頭的圖像戴上象徵皇冠的光圈。